Magic Bus, Magic Bus, Magic Bus

Have you taken a ride on that magic bus? Not talking about toking up. I am referring to the Metro system. Cruising your city, in that glorious hunk of metal that speeds in its “own” lane, clipping bikers, smashing cars and most importantly- doing whatever it takes to get you to your stop “on time”.

If you haven’t had the privilege…er… opportunity to take the ride.

****Snaps to you****

You live by the saying: “You need a car to survive this city”.

Am I right? No?….Well there is some truth to it. I tested this ~~reality~~ theory and went car-less by ~~choice~~ force.

Here are the people I came across, and you might as well.

1. The lost foreign family

The ones looking in all the wrong directions. Yelling at each other in their native tongue, while searching the crowd for the person least likely to rob them. If they engage you, beware, you might end up like I. A willing participant that helped a Vietnamese couple and their grandson through 2 hours of LA gridlock traffic… What Ah-day!

2. Under/over privileged *unsupervised* children.

They throw things, yell and worst of it, constantly laugh about NOTHING. And when they take a seat next to you, you become enclosed. Bringing you to the point of screaming, MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE BUS! Instantly you realize that reference may not be soo appropriate :/. Now you’re the jerk, but at least the kids are quiet, till they get off at their stop… at the Mall.

3. Tweekers.

No explanation needed. Just look out for the track marks and scratching.

4. Hood rats doing hood rat s****.

These guys are just the older under/over privileged children. They will try to get you involved in their debotchery. Whether it be spray painting the seats or ripping down the ads. If you are sitting too close, THEY WILL INVOLVE YOU. Reeling you in by telling you about whatever hood rat mission brought them on the bus today. You’re trapped! Just nod and smile, nod and smile. Sometimes that may not be enough. You may have to excuse yourself from your seat. Unless….you feel like getting into some hoodrat s*** that day. Then good luck buddy!

5. Older women “grandma” types.

These sassy old rickety crotchety bag-toting slow movin’ grammys, getting from A to B like boss . You can find them posted up in the handicap seats with at least one bag taking up the seat next to them. 9 times out of 10, they are very capable to sit anywhere, but you can be damn sure they will only sit up front. If you are in a seat in the front and don’t move for these women *shame. on. you!*

Precaution: Don’t stare at them and say, “Grandma is that you?” The results are either getting purse wacked in the arm, or a crying mixed with unnecessary hugging. But Hey! If your bored may be fun.

6. True hipsters.

They are just on that bus ~~sticking it to the man~~. Catch them reading Charles Bukowski, or some light reading like Dr. Suess. Either way book in hand, pants cuffed, boots laced you got yourself a hipster!

(Really, their bicycles were in the shop, they don’t ride the bus.)

7. Random Hottie.

The enigma. You glance across the bus catching eyes with him or her and instantly melt. Your mind races, wondering how God crafted such a beautiful being and placed them across from you…on this bus! At this time! Out of all the buses and all the routes in the city! You get lost in thought, look back up, and they are gone. You should have said, “Hey”! When you had the chance.

8. Drunk person.

There are multiple types of drunk people you will find. First up …drumroll!!!! The homeless drunk, voted most likely to be passed out on your shoulder….farting. Watch out if they wake up, their buzz will be gone and shit will hit the floor…literally. If you catch the ~~right~~ wrong time, you get a whole bus filled with sports fans usually happy as can be. Unless you happen to catch the bus away from the game aaaaand their team lost (My suggestion. Run! Fast!).

My favorite drunk is the person who already has one… nay, two DUI’s. If not already drunk, they are on their way to blackout city. You know their life goals are making stupid decisions, because “IT’S FUN!!! :-P” So if you’re in the mood for a wild and crazy night. Just grab on and pray, to whom or whatever thing you may, that you’ll see another day.

9. Back of house Employee.

Give them some props. They are about to go into whatever restaurant they work at- underpaid and underappreciated. They wash your dishes, prepare your food and fold your napkins (hopefully in that order). Unless someone ticks them off before getting into work. Hello!! food poisoning. By the way these guys and gals are the safest to be around if a fight breaks out, most of them are carrying….a s*** ton of knives.

10. 9-5 worker.

Last and never least, the good citizen, just trying to make an honest buck. Zoning out all the crazies, jamming to music or catching up on their favorite shows via their I-pad. They have chosen the life of riding the bus or are close enough to buy that car. Either way, these people keep to themselves and are pleasant to ride with. Most of the time they are annoyed by the other riders, but keep to their grind looking for that brighter future.

So safe travels and when you get this scenario… 85wtd-650x433